Showing posts with label Creating A Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Creating A Family. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Keeping Your Marriage Solid When Adopting or Fostering by Creating A Family

“One of the wisest pieces of advice I received as a new parent was the following: The greatest gift you can give your child is a healthy and happy relationship with your spouse. Four kids later all I can add is a loud “AMEN”!” by Creating A Family. #SaveAdoptions
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It is so easy in the thralls of new parenthood to be completely obsessed with your new baby or child. It is also pretty common to be completely overwhelmed by the demands of new motherhood/fatherhood. This is the case regardless whether you adopt a newborn, a 6 year old, or foster a sibling group of 3. Parenthood can be all-consuming if we let it. I’m suggesting that you don’t let it consume your marriage.

Parenting is a Marathon, not a Sprint!

You’re going to be parents for a LONG time. Even when your kids are grown and have flown the nest, you will still be parenting. It’s easy to forget this at the beginning. When asked in the Creating a Family Facebook Support Group what they were doing to find time for their marriage, we heard the following:
  • Not Much. But we’re older parents and I guess we had time before to ourselves so we’re kind of ok with all family time. We go out maybe every 6 weeks or so. We’ve kind of turned more into best friends and partners in crime but we’re ok with that.
  • We are fostering and parenting and all our time and energy are going to the kids. I feel like we give each other only our leftovers. And lately neither of us have much left over. We know we need to do something about it, but just don’t have the energy or time to do it.
  • We don’t. DH and I are lacking. We try to have alone time in the car or at 2 am, but it’s hard.
For the record, alone time when you are passing in the hallway at 2:00 am does not count!

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Podcast Regarding Sibling Adoption

BLG%20Kid%20Stock%205 Creating A Family Podcast: Our guests to talk about sibling adoption are Kimberly Offutt, a social worker at Bethany Christian Services and Erin Q. Nasmyth, a licensed clinical social worker with Hopscotch Adoptions, who has spent spent the last ten years working with families and children in the foster care system, in child mental health, and supporting families in adoption.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Creating A Family: Attachment Podcasts for you!

attachment%2006-26-2013 Attachment is the process of of forming emotional bonds between parent and child. For healthy emotional development throughout life, the child must attach to her parents, but it is just as true that the parent has to attach to the child. Attachment is not necessarily automatic with children adopted past infancy, but attachment can be taught and learned, and there are activities and attachment parenting techniques that can help both children and parents bond.

Creating a Family has extensive resources on attachment in adoption. A few we think you will find particularly helpful are:

Friday, May 9, 2014

Hopscotch Newsletter - May 2014

In This Issue

Quick Links

 

Still waiting....

The Waiting Child Program is the fastest growing program that Hopscotch Adoptions offers.  Unlike the typical track, time to placement usually takes less than a year from dossier submission.  Most of these children are Special Needs or older. We strongly urge you to check out these kids, regardless of the path you are taking. You never know who will grab your heart.

For more information on this program, contact Heather or go to the Waiting Child page and fill out the Privacy Declaration at the bottom of the page.


 

Greetings!

It's almost summer time and we hope your family will be taking advantage of this great weather after our unexpectedly long winter! 

You've received our first ever on-line newsletter and we hope you'll find it useful in getting relevant and supportive information and education articles more frequently.   

Families reported that they loved our full spread newsletter, but we found most families preferred less content and more frequency to better fit their busy lifestyles.   We call this newsletter 'fun sized'.   

 

Education Spotlight:

Creating a Family

Education is one of the most valuable aspects of your adoption journey. To quote the public service announcements of the 80's, "The more you know..." Creating a Family and Hopscotch Adoptions, Inc. have collaborated to allow our families access to a wealth of information through podcasts.

You can access the courses at http://www.creatingafamily.org/learning-center.html

Any Hopscotch family can access the website.  In order to set up an account, contact Megan or Michelle.  They will be glad to set you up.

Small but Beautiful:

The Reality of Family

 

A Bulgarian Princess Comes to Texas

by: Dorcas L. Grubaugh

On August 16, 2013 we drove to Roman, Bulgaria to pick up our sweet daughter.  She was 12 years old at the time, soon to turn 13.  We were adopting a teenager!  We were not sure what to expect, except we had been told to not have any expectations of her whatsoever, just accept her as she was.  Of course, as in many things, this was easier said than done.  We were prepared for teenage things, and we had read all the assigned books and taken the required pre-adoption class credits.  But truly, we weren't very well prepared at all.  Perhaps it was because this was our first child.  Maybe adoptive parents that already have other children in the home feel the transition goes more smoothly.  For us, it was a rocky first month or so.

We discovered that Abigail didn't really know what to expect either.  She was disappointed th at we didn't live next to celebrities.  She said our house was small ... but beautiful, she quickly added.  And that is as it should be, because our sweet girl is also small but beautiful.  And she wishes we had other kids for her to play with, and was sad that our family is small ("we are only three" she says).  But she says we are crazy ... and beautiful.  She has a wonderful sense of humor.  Everything is crazy to her.  That's her word for silly, I think.  So that has pretty much defined our life over the past four months.  Crazy beautiful.  Abigail loves to take photographs.  I think we have more photographic documentation of the last four months of our life than the last four years since Tony and I got married.  You really have to be "on" because you never know when the camera is pointing your way! 

She sings in the kid's choir at church.  She is in an international newcomer school in our school district, which is specifically for children that come to the district with very little English language.  Now her English has progressed beautifully.  She has not learned too many complex words yet, but we can understand each other.  We only struggled for about a month with getting our point across.

The things we've learned so far:  A sleepy child cannot communicate
clearly ... ever.  

No matter how close dinner was to bedtime, there still must be a snack beside her bed available. 

She needs to be told that she is loved and beautiful a LOT!  I mean a whole 

lot.  She asks all the time if we love her, and just about as often if we think she is beautiful.  We talked to some people who work with the kids in Bulgaria and found that the kids had a really nasty form of teasing each other there.  So we are working to reinforce positive words t

o overcome the negative words she heard from some peers.

The American school day is longer by several hours than the Bulgarian school day.  This has been hard on our daughter who feels like the week just doesn't have enough time for other fun stuff she wants to do.  And we don't even have her in any extra-curricular activities yet! 

We've also learned that adjusting to a new family member is more than language, or getting along, it is giving up more of our time than we knew we had, giving up sleep, giving up everything else we wanted to do with our day ... for our new family, for this precious child who needed a home.  How does adoption affect a family? It goes into the very center of it and wrenches out every last selfish strand of your soul and bares it before you.  What you do with the moment of deciding to be selfless or selfish varies with each passing day, but you are fully aware that you are making a choice.  This is the reality of adoption ... you are choosing to make the life of another the priority over self.  And in the end, you discover that that is okay, because your family may be small, but it is beautiful.

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Re-adoption in the United States:

I finalized before I came home, why should I re-adopt?

You just got off the plane with birth certificate and visa in hand. You're tired and, if you are lucky, the child you waited for so long to bring home, is sleeping in your arms.  We're done, your jet-lagged brain crows, 

No more paperwork!

Sorry to burst your bubble, but there's just a little more paperwork you should do. You need to re-adopt in the US.  Otherwise, that precious cargo you fought so long and hard for will have her work cut out for her in the future and so will you.

The goal of re-adoption in the US is to make sure you and your child will have access to the same paperwork most US citizens take for granted.  First and foremost, by re-adopting you will have a domestic Adoption Decree and Birth Certificate issued in a form that is accepted in all domestic courts and recognized by American institutions.  From kindergarten to college and beyond, you will be asked for this paperwork.  If you think the DMV is difficult now, imagine trying to get a license with a Bulgarian adoption decree. 

If you have changed the name of your child after coming home, you have to re-adopt and re-apply to USCIS for a new Certificate of Citizenship to establish the revision.  Most visas and certificates bear the child's name followed by the father's first and last name and, surprisingly, most families really don't want their little girl going through life with the middle name Gilmer.  I could be wrong, Gilmer is a very pretty name in some circles.

Re-adoption also guarantees your child's right to inheritance in every state.  No one wants to think that far down the road but this little change at the beginning can make all the difference at the end.  Not all states recognize the validity of foreign adoption decrees in all legal cases and, if there is ever a question as to whether your child is eligible to receive an inheritance or other legal benefits, the re-adoption provides a domestic record of the child's legal status.

Finally,  the "Accuracy for Adoptees Act," requires that a Federal Certificate of Citizenship for a child born outside of the United States reflect the child's name and date of birth as indicated on a State court order or State vital records document issued by the child's State of residence after the child has been adopted in that State. This means you will be able to change your child's date of birth to reflect his true age. 

We all hate paperwork and you have obviously done way more than your share but take these last steps.  You won't regret it!

Introducing New Programs...

Serbia

Serbia has just implemented Hague Treaty for Intercountry Adoption as of April 1, 2014.  If you are open to adopting children with moderate to non-correctable speci

al needs, you'll find that Serbia is one of the most economical options to bring a child home. 

The process for learning more about the waiting children requires a letter of introduction to be submitted to the Ministry requesting approval and additional information.  Hopscotch provides the letter template and once it is completed, interested families would return the letter to Hopscotch and it will be submitted on your behalf.   There is no financial obligation for inquiry with the Ministry and our assistance with your letter of introduction.  

If you are interested in learning more about Serbia's waiting children,  visit us on our Waiting Child page or contact us at serbia@hopscotchadoptions.org, and we can provide a letter of introduction template to help you get started.

Ukraine

Hopscotch is proud to announce our new program in Ukraine.  Though the country is undergoing tremendous civil strife, children are still coming to the US via Hosting programs and finding forever families.  Hopscotch is working with excellent partners .  Contact us to learn if Ukraine is right for your family.   If you are interested in hosting, need a family assessment, home study or update to your home study in NC or NY, we can help. 

So, how did you like it?  Let us hear from you and if you like this new format.  Expect to see more from us sooner rather than later, if so.  

Our next edition will include important information regarding the ramifications of the Universal Accreditation Act and a new story from a Hopscotch family that has had great success and benefited from an open (intercountry) adoption. 

Until then, 

Robin E. Sizemore

Hopscotch Adoptions, Inc

Like us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Find us on Pinterest Visit our blog

Have a story to share? Send it and a few photos to Michelle or Megan and we'll get you in future newsletter.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Coping with Infertility Grief After Adopting

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All For You!! If you are a Hopscotch Family, we have something great to share with you - for FREE! As a proud sponsor of Creating A Family website, our client families are provided FREE access to their vast library of radio podcasts. The library covers a vast range of adoption related topics that you will not find anywhere else. As a bonus, you can opt to receive educational credit hours and a certificate with a password issued to each of our clients - again, free to Hopscotch client families.

To access the adoption learning center on the Creating a Family website:

Hopscotch clients can access the adoption education courses by going to the learning center at http://www.creatingafamily.org/learning-center.html

Each individual will need to create an account with a username and password (see the blue link in the upper right hand corner of the webpage for creating a new account)

Once you have logged in with you individual username and password you'll have access to listen to all the courses - for FREE!

As a sponsoring agency, our clients have access to the quiz/certificate option for each course.   You'll just need to click on the quiz icon next to a particular course listing.  You'll then be prompted for a course password that is unique to Hopscotch clients. You'll need to contact Megan for your password to receive your certificate after completion of each podcast and quiz. Be sure to print your certificate after each podcast quiz.

Here's a podcast sample:

Coping with Infertility Grief After Adopting

We tell people to work through their grief at not having a biological child or being pregnant or breastfeeding BEFORE they adopt. The reality is that sometimes after adopting a baby adoptive parents still crave the experience of pregnancy and still feel sad at not having a genetic connection to their child. Host Dawn Davenport will interview Carole Lieber Wilkins, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in the field of reproductive medicine, adoption and family building options since 1986. She is known for helping patients transition to non-genetic forms of family building, such as donor conception or adoption. Having created her family through adoption and ovum donation, Carole brings a wealth of personal as well as professional experience to her work. Highlights from this show.

by: Robin Sizemore, Executive Director of Hopscotch Adoptions, Inc

Friday, August 16, 2013

Parenting Easily Frustrated Inflexible Kids with Challenging Behavior

83d358cc36f996511ccb541171f58944 All For You!!

If you are a Hopscotch Family, we have something great to share with you - for FREE! As a proud sponsor of Creating A Family website, our client families are provided FREE access to their vast library of radio podcasts. The library covers a vast range of adoption related topics that you will not find anywhere else. As a bonus, you can opt to receive educational credit hours and a certificate with a password issued to each of our clients - again, free to Hopscotch client families.

To access the adoption learning center on the Creating a Family website:

Hopscotch clients can access the adoption education courses by going to the learning center at http://www.creatingafamily.org/learning-center.html

Each individual will need to create an account with a username and password (see the blue link in the upper right hand corner of the webpage for creating a new account)

Once you have logged in with you individual username and password you'll have access to listen to all the courses - for FREE!

As a sponsoring agency, our clients have access to the quiz/certificate option for each course.   You'll just need to click on the quiz icon next to a particular course listing.  You'll then be prompted for a course password that is unique to Hopscotch clients. You'll need to contact Megan for your password to receive your certificate after completion of each podcast and quiz. Be sure to print your certificate after each podcast quiz.

Here's a podcast sample:

Parenting Easily Frustrated Inflexible Kids with Challenging Behavior

Interview with Dr. Ross Greene, Associate Professor in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children. How to help children, all kids, including adopted children, learn to control their frustration and anger. Highlights from this

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Food Issues with Adopted Children

Photo credit: blasorchester-stuecken.de

e91352e75f0365a14bc7c5b992f53233 All For You!!

If you are a Hopscotch Family, we have something great to share with you - for FREE! As a proud sponsor of Creating A Family website, our client families are provided FREE access to their vast library of radio podcasts. The library covers a vast range of adoption related topics that you will not find anywhere else. As a bonus, you can opt to receive educational credit hours and a certificate with a password issued to each of our clients - again, free to Hopscotch client families.

To access the adoption learning center on the Creating a Family website:

Hopscotch clients can access the adoption education courses by going to the learning center at http://www.creatingafamily.org/learning-center.html

Each individual will need to create an account with a username and password (see the blue link in the upper right hand corner of the webpage for creating a new account)

Once you have logged in with you individual username and password you'll have access to listen to all the courses - for FREE!

As a sponsoring agency, our clients have access to the quiz/certificate option for each course.   You'll just need to click on the quiz icon next to a particular course listing.  You'll then be prompted for a course password that is unique to Hopscotch clients. You'll need to contact Megan for your password to receive your certificate after completion of each podcast and quiz. Be sure to print your certificate after each podcast quiz.

Here's a podcast sample:

Food Issues with Adopted Children

Join our guest Dr. Katja Rowell, The Feeding Doctor, and author of the new book "Love Me, Feed Me" to talk about some of the common food issues adoptive parents face: hoarding, gorging, pickiness, not eating, etc. Highlights from this show.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Documentary on International Adoption-"Stuck"

e5306daeb83f5ec014c2e0365f8a55c7 All For You!!

If you are a Hopscotch Family, we have something great to share with you - for FREE! As a proud sponsor of Creating A Family website, our client families are provided FREE access to their vast library of radio podcasts. The library covers a vast range of adoption related topics that you will not find anywhere else. As a bonus, you can opt to receive educational credit hours and a certificate with a password issued to each of our clients - again, free to Hopscotch client families.

To access the adoption learning center on the Creating a Family website:

Hopscotch clients can access the adoption education courses by going to the learning center at http://www.creatingafamily.org/learning-center.html

Each individual will need to create an account with a username and password (see the blue link in the upper right hand corner of the webpage for creating a new account)

Once you have logged in with you individual username and password you'll have access to listen to all the courses - for FREE!

As a sponsoring agency, our clients have access to the quiz/certificate option for each course.   You'll just need to click on the quiz icon next to a particular course listing.  You'll then be prompted for a course password that is unique to Hopscotch clients. You'll need to contact Megan for your password to receive your certificate after completion of each podcast and quiz. Be sure to print your certificate after each podcast quiz.

Here's a podcast sample:

Documentary on International Adoption-"Stuck"

An interview with Craig Juntunen, Founder of Both Ends Burning and Producer of a new documentary on International Adoption, Stuck, to talk about the ethics of international adoption and the delays. Highlights from this show.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Latest Research on the Mental Health of Adopted Children

Photo credit: thinkprogess

8f59e4d92881798d2f4dd19acbd2fb08 All For You!!

If you are a Hopscotch Family, we have something great to share with you - for FREE! As a proud sponsor of Creating A Family website, our client families are provided FREE access to their vast library of radio podcasts. The library covers a vast range of adoption related topics that you will not find anywhere else. As a bonus, you can opt to receive educational credit hours and a certificate with a password issued to each of our clients - again, free to Hopscotch client families.

To access the adoption learning center on the Creating a Family website:

Hopscotch clients can access the adoption education courses by going to the learning center at http://www.creatingafamily.org/learning-center.html

Each individual will need to create an account with a username and password (see the blue link in the upper right hand corner of the webpage for creating a new account)

Once you have logged in with you individual username and password you'll have access to listen to all the courses - for FREE!

As a sponsoring agency, our clients have access to the quiz/certificate option for each course.   You'll just need to click on the quiz icon next to a particular course listing.  You'll then be prompted for a course password that is unique to Hopscotch clients. You'll need to contact Megan for your password to receive your certificate after completion of each podcast and quiz. Be sure to print your certificate after each podcast quiz.

Here's a podcast sample:

Latest Research on the Mental Health of Adopted Children

What does the latest research show on the emotional and mental health of adopted children? How do adoptees fare later in life? Our guest is Dr. Kathleen Whitten, a developmental psychologist and adoptive mother who researches the mental health of adopted children. She has been a lecturer in psychology at Georgia State University and at the University of Virginia, where she was also a research faculty member at the Child-Parent Attachment Clinic, Department of Psychiatric Medicine. She was named a Distinguished Fellow in Developmental Psychology by the National Council for Adoption in Washington, D.C. She is also the author of Labor of the Heart: A Parent’s Guide to the Decisions and Emotions in Adoption. Highlights from this show.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Podcast Sexual Development in Adopted Children

Photo credit: favim.com

b0feeff29f59e239ff21637e2809e309All For You!! If you are a Hopscotch Family, we have something great to share with you - for FREE! As a proud sponsor of Creating A Family website, our client families are provided FREE access to their vast library of radio podcasts. The library covers a vast range of adoption related topics that you will not find anywhere else. As a bonus, you can opt to receive educational credit hours and a certificate with a password issued to each of our clients - again, free to Hopscotch client families.

To access the adoption learning center on the Creating a Family website:

Hopscotch clients can access the adoption education courses by going to the learning center at http://www.creatingafamily.org/learning-center.html

Each individual will need to create an account with a username and password (see the blue link in the upper right hand corner of the webpage for creating a new account)

Once you have logged in with you individual username and password you'll have access to listen to all the courses - for FREE!

As a sponsoring agency, our clients have access to the quiz/certificate option for each course.   You'll just need to click on the quiz icon next to a particular course listing.  You'll then be prompted for a course password that is unique to Hopscotch clients. You'll need to contact Megan for your password to receive your certificate after completion of each podcast and quiz. Be sure to print your certificate after each podcast quiz.

Here's a podcast sample:

Sexual Development in Adopted Children

While sexual development follows much the same pattern for all children, there are some special issues that adopted children might face. These include precocious puberty, the effects of childhood abuse or neglect on later sexual development, and questions about how the birds and bees applies to them. Our guests are Dr. Bradley Miller, a Pediatric Endocrinologist at the University of Minnesota and Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao, a therapist specializing in adoption and an adjunct faculty member in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Highlights from this show.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Create A Family Podcast

5245f8be9725662023377055f4661960 All For You!!

If you are a Hopscotch Family, we have something great to share with you - for FREE! As a proud sponsor of Creating A Family website, our client families are provided FREE access to their vast library of radio podcasts. The library covers a vast range of adoption related topics that you will not find anywhere else. As a bonus, you can opt to receive educational credit hours and a certificate with a password issued to each of our clients - again, free to Hopscotch client families.

To access the adoption learning center on the Creating a Family website:

Hopscotch clients can access the adoption education courses by going to the learning center at http://www.creatingafamily.org/learning-center.html

Each individual will need to create an account with a username and password (see the blue link in the upper right hand corner of the webpage for creating a new account)

Once you have logged in with you individual username and password you'll have access to listen to all the courses - for FREE!

As a sponsoring agency, our clients have access to the quiz/certificate option for each course.   You'll just need to click on the quiz icon next to a particular course listing.  You'll then be prompted for a course password that is unique to Hopscotch clients. You'll need to contact Megan for your password to receive your certificate after completion of each podcast and quiz. Be sure to print your certificate after each podcast quiz.

Here's a podcast sample:

Helping Kids Who Struggle in School

For years parents have followed the Beyond Consequences: A Love Based Approach to Helping Children with Severe Behaviors to help their children at home. But how can this approach be used in the school setting. Our guest is Heather Forbes, co-founder of the Beyond Consequences Institute, author of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors, and mom to two children adopted as toddlers from Russia. Highlights from this show.

Monday, July 8, 2013

My Review of “The Child Catchers”

Source: creatingafamily.org

By Dawn Davenport

ChildCatchers-2131 I interviewed Kathryn Joyce, author of The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption on yesterday’s Creating a Family show. I’ve been doing the Creating a Family show weekly since 2007, and I seldom get nervous before an interview, but I was just a little nervous about this show.  I had strong feelings about this book, mostly negative. I always can find common ground with just about any guest, and I believe my job is to ask questions in such a way to show my thoughts, but allow them to express theirs. I had so many disagreements with this book, that I knew I needed to be careful about my tone. After all, anyone on the show is a “guest” and should be treated as such.  I think it went well, but you listen and tell me what you think. I touch on a few of my disagreements below.

Ethical Issues in International Adoption

I always appreciate a good discussion about the ethical issues in international adoption. I spend more time than I’d like to admit thinking about these things, and it is always nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of who has also thought deeply about the issues. Although Kathryn did a good job of highlighting some of the issues, she dropped the ball, in my opinion, after she pointed them out. In her mind the ethical issues could be neatly piled at the feet of the orphan care movement, and that’s where her analysis stopped. In her view all the thorny problems of children being raised outside of their families would go away if we did away with international adoption.

Although international adoptions bring with them a host of problems, shutting down adoptions creates a host of other problems, not the least of which is what happens to the children. Do they go back to live with family? Do they grow up in institutional care? Do they end up on the streets or worse? Does international adoption have a place in international child welfare? Thoughtful minds can and do disagree, but Joyce didn’t even attempt to engage in the discussion.

Reliance on Anecdotal “Evidence”

As most of you know, I’m a research geek. I realize, honestly I do, that research doesn’t answer all questions, and that points can often be made more strongly through example than with statistics. Even I, the world’s greatest egghead, appreciate that a book needs to be interesting to be read. However, if you are writing about issues such as the prevalence of adoptions disrupting or the difficulties of transracial adoption, wouldn’t you think a brief mention of how adoptees and adoptions are faring as a whole would be helpful. Individual stories are great and make for better reading, but it helps to anchor them in reality.

Adoption is All Gloom and Doom

From my vantage point as an adoption educator, I truly see it all. I hear from unprepared families hitting the wall of reality with a thud once they bring their child home. Most of these families find their footing with education and support, but a few fall apart under the strain and fear.  I spend my work days thinking of ways to better educate and support people considering adoption so that they are able to decide if they should adopt, or if they should adopt this particular child. And once they have their child, Creating a Family tries to educate and support them to be better parents to that particular child with those particular needs. But I also see the amazing and happy success stories. These stories are hard not to see; in fact, I’d go so far as to say you would have to try very hard not to see them since most adoptive families are a success. Perfect—no; ultimately successful and satisfying to parents and kids—yes. In all of The Child Catcher, I don’t remember a single happy adoption story that got more than a passing mention.

Joyce said she wanted to show “the other side of adoption” since most media only cover the hearts and butterflies part. I’m not sure she’s right given the coverage of international adoption fraud and struggles, but I can appreciate someone seeking a more balanced coverage.  Doesn’t she, however, need to put the horror stories in perspective? Her portrayal was unbelievably one sided and bleak, and simply doesn’t reflect the reality of adoption that I see or that research supports.

An Agenda

It felt to me that Joyce went into this project with an agenda that she wanted to prove (the evangelical orphan care/adoption ministry is hurting children and adoptive families), and she included only the “evidence” that supported her position. She said in the Creating a Family interview that most journalists have a predetermined agenda, and that her book was not intended to be an even-handed assessment of adoption or religion’s place in encouraging adoption. Fair enough, I guess, but I ended up feeling that The Child Catchers bent so far in one direction that it was warped beyond usefulness. It’s a shame because a well rounded discussion about improvements to orphan care and adoption ministries would be welcomed.

I really encourage you to listen to the podcast. Although we disagreed on plenty, we did so in a respectful and productive way, which is a rarity in the world of talk radio.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Radio Show: How Mental and Physical Issues of Pre-Adoptive Parents are Treated in Adoption

th Creating A Family will host a panel of four adoption professionals to talk about how mental and physical health issues in pre-adoptive parents are treated by adoption professionals in domestic and international adoption, and what pre-adoptive parents need to know.

Questions are welcome to be submitted in advance to info@creatingafamily.org. You can listen/download the show here.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Should Pre-Adoptive Parents Call Themselves “Expecting” Or “Paper Pregnant”?

I love it when I am forced to think out of my comfortable box, and the topic of this week's blog did just that. Is it offensive or disrespectful to expectant woman who are considering adoption for pre-adoptive parents to refer to themselves as "expecting" or "paper pregnant"?

Often the discussion in the comment section of my blogs are more informative (and interesting) than the blog itself. On a recent blog comment, someone referred to herself as an expectant mom while she is waiting to adopt. Monika, a birth mom who blogs over at Monika’s Musings, responded: “[A]s a birth mom, I don’t like “expecting” from an adoptive mom’s perspective (hoping would be better in my opinion).” Well, we were off to the races then, with lots of thought provoking opinions from all sides.

I had not given much thought to the use of the term “expectant” or “paper pregnant” until this discussion, but afterwards it was all I thought about. Apparently I wasn’t alone. When I contacted Monika to ask if she wanted to participate in a blog discussion about this topic, she said she hadn’t been able to get it off her mind either. We agreed to enter into a dialog here, with neither of us trying to prove the other wrong or change the others mind, but with the spirit of better understanding. ...

Read the full blog here.

Creating a Family Classic Podcast: Raising a Child Exposed to Alcohol or Drugs Prenatally

A common risk factor for domestic and international adoptions is potential exposure to alcohol or drugs during pregnancy. How are children affected and what is the reality of raising a child that has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Our guest is Diane Malbin, a clinical social worker and founders of FASCETS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Consultation, Education and Training Services, Inc.) a non-profit, whose mission is to educate and support people with FASD, parents and professionals.

Highlights :: Listen/Download

Creating a Family Video: Breastfeeding Your Child Born to a Surrogate or Gestational Carrier

Quote of the Day 

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. " ~ Winston Churchill

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

You're Not My REAL Mother

By Dawn, creatingafamily.org

All children get mad at their parents—or at least they do if their parents are doing a good job of parenting, which should include saying “no” on occasion. How they express this anger depends primarily on two things: their temperament and what works.

Our children come to us with set temperaments. Some kids are strikers, lashing out verbally when ticked off; others are sulkers, retreating to their rooms to plot their revenge; while some sunny souls are slow to boil and quick to recover. Science has shown that children are born with their basic temperament. We have done a couple of terrific Creating a Family shows on Nature vs. Nurture. On one show (Nature vs. Nurture/ Genetics vs. Environment) our guests were the directors of two of the leading longitudinal twin studies in the US.  The guests on the other show (Is Genetics or the Environment Most Important in Determining Who Our Kids Will Be?) represented two of the leading adoption studies in the US and also were both involved in twin research, as well. (I summarized my take on the nature vs. nurture debate in this blog titled Nature vs. Nurture.

You might think that your genetic child will come with a temperament similar to yours, but there are no guarantees. Genes are slippery little buggers, and Great Grandpa’s temper can pop out when least expected. (I might add that temperamentally similar parent and child combos are not always a blessing—imagine life with two sulkers. {horrors})

While parents have little control over our child’s temperament, we have a great deal of control over what works. If you are a parent through adoption or donor egg or sperm blessed with a bright temperamentally volatile, expressive child, and you fall apart or back down when your little darling throws down the “you aren’t my real mom” card, or the “I wish I hadn’t been adopted” card, or the “I hate you” card, or “I’m nothing like you” card, chances are good that these cards will be thrown again and again. If these remarks don’t work to derail you, they are less likely to be used. And lest you think that only parents through adoption or donor gamete will hear some version of “I wish you weren’t my mother”, think again. Most kids wish this every once in a while regardless how they came to be yours. (Read my blog titled “I Wish You Weren’t My Mother”.)

The funny thing is that we parents tend to focus on our children’s temperament, without recognizing that we also have a genetically set personality that comes into play when interacting with our kids. But we are the adults in the situation, and we can choose how we respond.
Mad as hell kid: You’re not my real mother!!!!

Equally mad mom who is successfully faking calmness: (choose one)
  • That’s funny, I sure feel like your mother {said with a healthy dose or irony}. Now, back to what we were talking about—your behavior.
  • I don’t scream at you, and I expect the same courtesy from you. You clearly need some time in your room (or time-out chair) to think about this. {with a well-timed harrumph thrown in for good measure}
  • Your feelings about me really aren’t the topic of this conversation. We are talking about your behavior.
  • I’d love to talk about adoption later, but right now you are sitting in the time-out chair, and the time doesn’t begin until you are quiet.
It’s so darn easy to give power to the wrong things. What else do you give power to? What are some of your favorite responses that the rest of us can stick in our back pockets to use if (when) necessary.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Hopscotch Adoptions Attended the 2012 SPAFA Expo!

Thanks to Southern Piedmont Adoptive Families Association (SPAFA) and Dawn Davenport, Executive Director of Creating A Family, for a wonderful weekend expo event. It was great meeting so many families and professional colleagues! We wish each family a successful journey to the child meant to be theirs through adoption or other alternatives.