“When To…” Suggestions after you first come home

Some suggestions about when after arriving home you might address a few of the common situations for new parents with a child adopted internationally.

After you first come home, when to:

See the pediatrician:

• Within the first week after coming home, for routine physical
• Sooner, at any time, if you have any concerns you feel can’t wait or might be an emergency.

Take your child out to stores or other public places:

• If possible, limit this in number and in time spent out. Your child can become easily over-stimulated and overwhelmed.
• Avoid taking your child out if he or she is running a fever has a cold or running nose or with other health issues. (Check with your pediatrician if you are concerned.)

Hold a welcome home party or baby shower at home:

• If it’s adults only, with the baby asleep, go ahead and schedule it for a time when you’re over jet lag.
• If your child will be included, wait several weeks until your child feels more familiar with you and the new environment.

Get a sitter

• Try for at least one parent to stay close to home with your child for the first few weeks, if at all possible.
• But do find ways to take time out and time away: taking turns with your spouse for childcare; having a person familiar to your child come after he or she is tucked in for the night; saving naptime as time you spend just for yourself, not chores or work.
• When you do have a sitter, introduce this person and have the person sitting spend some time with your child before the day will need the sitter. Take it gradually.

Have a get-together somewhere outside your home:

• If possible, delay this until at least two weeks after you return to recover from travel fatigue. This may be too soon for your child.
• If you will leave your child with a sitter, some parents find it’s helpful to schedule this after your child’s bedtime and with a person your child has become familiar with over many days of interaction. Delay until after the first two weeks, if possible, since you will all be recovering
• If your child is included, wait until after the first month, longer if your child needs more time to be comfortable with strangers, new places, crowds.

Be concerned that your child prefers one of you more than the other

• Some children seem to resent new moms for replacing their previous caretakers, others latch onto to new mothers for dear life and ignore Dads; many children who have never seen men (or only a few) can react with suspicion or rejection or think Dads are a wonderful new novelty. 

Attachment and International Adoption. From Choices and Challenges in International Adoption by Joan McNamara ©2009

Hopscotch Adoptions List of Questions for Your Child's Caregiver

The biggest moment of your life is before you.  Taking final custody of your child, far from the support of family and friends, can feel intimidating.  It's natural to feel anxiety, doubt, excitement, and even fear, when thinking of meeting your child's needs, seamlessly from orphanage or foster care, to your waiting family.

Becoming a parent comes with a lot of sudden responsibility and we hope you feel supported and prepared.

You have probably already consulted with an International Adoption Specialist if you are matched with a referred child.  You can also count on your  International Adoption Specialist to provide you with a list of questions before you travel.

Hopscotch has a few suggestions, too.  When you travel to bring your newly adopted child home, be sure to take a list of questions for your child's caregiver.  Your child's transition will be less traumatic, the more you know from the caregiver.  If your child is attached to a particular caregiver, this person would be the best source of information about your child's needs and habits.
Suggested Care Giver Questions:

1. Is your child attached to a particular caregiver and if so, whom?
2. How much food or formula does your child need?
3. How often does your child eat and on what schedule?
4. Does your child feed from the bottle easily?
5. Does your child drink fast or slow?
6. Where can similar bottles and nipples be purchased locally?
7. Are there any issues  with spitting up after feeding?
8. Does my infant have any issues with gas? How do you burp your infant?
9. What temperature do you serve food or bottles?
10. What brand of formula is your child currently drinking?
11. What ingredients are in your child's food and how it is prepared?
12. Ask if your child has any known food, medication or seasonal allergies?
13. Is your child currently taking any medications and if so, what medications, how much and how often are they administrated, where can they be found and for what purpose is the medication given?
14. If your child has a special need, ask to meet with your child's doctor(s) before you depart the country to learn the most about your child's current treatment plan.
15. What is your child's sleep schedule?
16. Does your child take naps and if so how long?
17. What time does your child go to sleep at night?
18. What time does your child typically wake in the morning?
19. Does your child have any favorite games?
20. How is your child typically clothed in the day and evening?
21. Is your child dressed in layers?
22. Does your child rely on a pacifier?
23. Does your child typically wake up happy or crying?
24. What position does your child like to sleep in?
25. Is the sleeping room noisy, quiet, light, dark, warm or cool?
26. How does your child like to be carried or held?
27. Has your child been recently sick with congestion, stomach or fever?
28. How much does your child currently weigh?
29. How many stools does your child typically produce per day?
30. How often does your child bathe and does your child like or dislike bath time?
31. What is your child's general temperament or disposition?  Is your child happy, fussy, calm, active, etc?
32. Is your child soothed by music, quiet, movement or stillness?
33. How is your child calmed when crying?

Of course, you will have many more questions.  Hopscotch hopes this general list will help you with a smoother transition once you take custody of your child.  Knowing the answer to these questions, specific to your child, will reduce your child's trauma in experiencing change and alleviate your sense of helplessness in finding your child's place of comfort.

Bonding starts when a child feels safe and comfortable in your care.  So don't miss out on this opportunity to jumpstart your family bonding.  When abroad, don't hesitate to contact your International Adoption Specialist doctor or agency if you are experiencing any concerns related to your child's transition.  We are here to help.