Monday, October 2, 2017

Supporting Military Families in Adoption, by Laura Beauvais

By Laura Beauvais
military-information

Military families have the potential to be outstanding adoptive families. They often have an incredible support network of friends. Military families tend to be flexible and adaptable and those are qualities that can help make great parents. The installments, where they often live, usually provide no-cost health care, including occupational, physical, and speech therapy, as well as counseling. Dental and vision care are usually provided with a co-pay. Even when military personnel move, the support systems are similar in the next location, so these families do not have to “relearn” what is available at the next location. If an adopted child has serious needs that cannot be met at an installation’s facilities, the military parent cannot be transferred to that installation, as outlined in the Exceptional Family Member Program.

Continue reading.

Ukraine: Missing Post Adoption Report Notice

This Adoption Notice is a reminder to adoption service providers and adoptive parents of Ukraine’s post-adoption reporting requirements. In accordance with the Ukrainian Family Code, all parents who adopt children from Ukraine must provide post-adoption reports every year for the first three years after the adoption is finalized, and then once every three years until the child turns 18. This reporting must include information on the general welfare, education, upbringing, and health of the child. For more information about the contents of the reports, please visit the Ministry for Foreign Affair’s web page. You may also access the report from this link.

Continue reading.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

September 2017 | News and updates

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Foundation Announces 2017 Top 100 Best Adoption-Friendly Workplaces

For the 11th year, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption surveyed the nation's employers in search of those with the best adoption benefits. The Foundation compares financial reimbursement and paid leave given to adoptive parents. This year, there is a new company topping the list.
American Express ranked number one, moving up 30 spots on the list from 2016. The company offers U.S.-based, regular, full-time and part-time employees up to $35,000 to aid with the cost of an adoption (up to a maximum of two events per employee). The company also offers up to 20 weeks of paid parental leave to women and men welcoming a child through adoption.

Click here to view the complete Top 100 Best Adoption-Friendly Workplace list. The Foundation also recognizes employers by size, industry, best leave and foster care benefits. The 2018 survey will open in January.

The Wendy's Company was the original advocate of the Adoption-Friendly Workplace program. The company put in place robust workplace adoption benefits more than 25 years ago. In 2016, The Wendy's Company was awarded Forever Family status, which is an emeritus position on the Top 100 Best Adoption-Friendly Workplace list that recognizes their continued commitment to these crucial benefits.

Donate Now

Survey: More Americans are considering children in foster care when looking to adopt
By the time Olivia was 10 years old, she'd spent more than half her life in foster care. "It was painful because I never knew what was going to happen," she said. "I never knew if I was going to get to stay or if I would have to move again."

Unfortunately for Olivia, she was forced to move from house to house for seven years while living in foster care. Just as she was getting settled, she'd have to pick up and leave. Until the day she met Dwain and Lorie Hargis.

"I had never even imagined adoption, not at any point in my life," said Lorie. "But this felt absolutely natural, like she belonged here and was meant to be a part of our family."

The transformation that took place in the Hargis home in Cecilia, Kentucky, reflects a shift in attitudes across the country. According to a new national survey conducted by Nielsen on behalf of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, 25 percent of those who have not adopted in the United States have considered adoption. Of those individuals, nearly 80 percent have considered foster care adoption, which is up 7 percent from 2012 and an all-time high.

Click here to view the press release and full survey results.

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Joe and Cathy TurnerSupporter Spotlight: "We want the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption to be part of our legacy."

The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is grateful to be supported by so many generous donors. This month we are highlighting Joe and Cathy Turner, Wendy's franchisees who choose to give back to the Foundation through personal giving in addition to in-restaurant campaigns.

How did you first get involved with the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption?
When the Foundation began 25 years ago, we were early adopters of every fundraising program that we could do in our local Wendy's to make people aware of the Foundation and its work. It is with great pride that our franchise, First Sun Management, has been one of the major contributors to the Foundation over the years. It is because of our belief in its mission and our personal commitment to this cause that we recently included a gift to the Foundation in our estate plans. We want the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption to be part of our legacy.

Why do you support foster care adoption and the Foundation's mission? We support foster care adoption because of what Dave Thomas said - that everybody deserves a good home. What Dave experienced as a child led him to create an organization that could help children nationwide, and today the work of the Foundation is doing exactly that.

What would you tell someone who is thinking about making a donation to the Foundation? We want everyone in our communities to understand that foster care adoption is about changing lives. If any one of us just changes one child's life, the impact that person can have as an adult can be unbelievably positive. Now, imagine that impact as the Foundation works to change the lives of thousands of chilidren by increasing the number of adoptions from foster care across the country. The Foundation has done a phenomenal job so far. It is true - everyone deserves a good home.



frosty.pngThank you Wendy's and Frosty 5k Participants!

Thank you to the 750 runners and walkers, supported by The Wendy's Company and other sponsors, who helped to raise more than $100,000 for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. We are so grateful for your continued support of our mission: to find a loving, permanent home for
every child waiting in foster care to be adopted.




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Foundation Partners with New Foster to Adopt Web Series

The Foundation is proud to partner with "The F Word," a new web series documenting one couple's journey through foster care adoption.

Check out the current episodes here and follow us on Twitter (@DTFA) to participate in our live Twitter chat with the series' stars at 2 p.m. ET on Thursday, October 19.

NOTICE FOR LATVIA ADOPTIVE FAMILIES: Post Adoption Reports





NOTICE: Latvia – Post Adoption Reports

This Alert Supersedes the Alert Issued on November 17, 2016

The Ministry of Welfare has informed the Department that they are still missing post-adoption reports from U.S. families who adopted children from Latvia. The Ministry has urged the Department to stress the importance of post-adoption report submission to adoption service providers and adoptive families. For this reason, the Department strongly urges you to comply with Latvia’s post-adoption requirements. Compliance with Latvia’s post-adoption reporting requirements would also contribute to an understanding of the positive impact that intercountry adoption has for children from Latvia who are living in the United States.

Latvian law requires that two post-adoption reports be submitted: one after the first year following the adoption and one after the second year. Reports should be notarized and contain an Apostille certification. Two extra months are allowed for translation and submission of the report. Post-adoption reports must be submitted with a translation in Latvian. The reports can be conducted by the adoptive family’s adoption service provider or the appropriate child welfare officials in the state where the child resides.

The reports must be submitted to the Latvian Ministry of Welfare by mail:
Latvian Adoption Authority
Children and Family Policy Department
Ministry of Welfare
28 Skolas St.
Riga, Latvia, LV-1331

If your report will not arrive by November 1, please also send an electronic version to the following email address, while the hard copy is in route: lm@lm.gov.lv.

Please continue to monitor travel.state.gov for updated information on adoption in Latvia

Friday, September 15, 2017

The Importance of Obtaining Certificates of Citizenship


citizenship1Nobody enjoys filing paperwork or paying filing fees, and for families that have completed an international adoption, they often think they have had more than enough of both. Fortunately, most international adoptions now result in a certificate of citizenship (COC) being issued without any additional process or fees. That has not always been the case, and still is not always so, especially in cases where the child was issued an IR-4/HR-4 visa. In these situations, the child does not automatically become a U.S. citizen, and the placement requires finalization here in the United States.
Obtaining a COC for any child adopted internationally is an important way to definitively establish and demonstrate citizenship. When the cost of COCs was significantly increasing last year, NCFA hosted a webinar led by McLane Layton and Christine Poarch. NCFA also made available a printable factsheet addressing FAQs about certificates of citizenship. These resources continue to be helpful to better understand this issue.

Adoptive families may ask, “Why would I pay for this if I already have proof of citizenship with a U.S. passport or state issued birth certificate?” Although there may be other ways and options to prove citizenship, the Certificate of Citizenship remains the most permanent and definitive way of doing so. Unlike passports, the certificate of citizenship never expires. State issued birth certificates are not always accepted as proof of citizenship, with issues raised if the name has changed or if the birth certificate lists a foreign place of birth.

Adoption professionals who have worked in this field for a number of years strongly advise a family to obtain a COC on behalf of their internationally adopted child. Sue Hollar, the Executive Director & CEO of The Barker Adoption Foundation, is a strong advocate of agencies working to ensure families have obtained COCs. She says, “Adoption agencies and adoptive families have an ethical and moral responsibility to these kids. At Barker, we hold a financial deposit from families and return it upon receiving a copy of the COC… No kid/adult should suffer the consequences of not having the documentation.”

NCFA strongly encourages adoption agencies to obtain copies of the certificate of citizenship as part of their post-adoption reporting. This practice will ensure that families are obtaining their COCs within a reasonable timeframe upon returning, instead of many years later when it may be more difficult for the adoptive family to locate required documentation.

The application for a COC is called the N-600 and can be accessed through USCIS’s website here.
For more family-oriented intercountry adoption resources, visit the Global Adoption section of NCFA’s blog.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Research Study Participants Sought Regarding Transracial Adoption

16972215_s-sizedAs many of you know, NCFA is committed to, and passionate about, research regarding adoption.  Some of that research is assembled and published by NCFA, including our Adoption: By the Numbers, where they report the most comprehensive statistics on adoption in the United States.   In addition to the research they conduct, they also promote the research done by others to further our understanding of adoption and issues related to adoption.  Toward that end, NCFA is sending along information about a research project being conducted regarding transracial adoption and foster care.

A researcher at Florida State University is interested in connecting with parents who are fostering or have adopted transracially.  If you think this description is a good fit for your clients or network, please consider passing this information along to them.

Parents who are currently fostering or have adopted transracially are needed for a research study.  Interested participants will take a pre-course measure, be randomly assigned a treatment or control course, and then complete a post-course measure.  All participation in the study is completed online, and the fosterparentcollege.com course login id and password will be assigned to each participant by the researcher.  Participants will have 30 days to complete the course.  Total time to complete the surveys and course online takes 3 hours, and participants can come and go as they please. 

Participants who complete the study will receive a $20 Visa gift card.  Interested participants should e-mail or contact Jordan Montgomery at jem14e@my.fsu.edu or 850-661-6454.

Sincerely,
Ryan Hanlon, MA, MS, MSW Vice President of Education, Research, and Constituent Services
National Council For Adoption

Monday, September 4, 2017

8 Crucial Tips For Kinship Adoption

Source: https://creatingafamily.org/

By Dawn Davenport

tips-for-kinship-adoption1

Here are our top eight tips for smoothly integrating children adopted through kinship adoption into your family.
  1. Get Educated. Adoptive parenting is different from parenting kids from birth. Not worse, not better, but different. Parents who adopt a niece, nephew, or grandchild need the same preparation as other adoptive parents. We have a ton of resources at Adoption A-Z Resource Guide.
  2. Seek Expertise. You will need to find an adoption attorney or adoption agency to help you navigate through a kinship adoption. We have a great free multimedia guide to help you-Creating a Family’s Multimedia Guide on Choosing an Adoption Agency or Attorney. Make sure to ask whomever you hire how many kinship adoptions they do each year in your state.
  3. Keep the focus on the child and what is in the child’s best interest as you navigate the post adoption relationships in your family. This is sometimes easier said than done, so spend time pre-adoption talking with your extended family members about what you think is best for the child.
Continue reading.

The Scariest Special Need of All—Would You Adopt This Child?

Source: https://creatingafamily.org

By Dawn Davenport


special-need-adoption-sexual-abuse

In my experience there is one special need that scares prospective adoptive parents the most. The one where even parents who have a wide range of acceptance for special needs will often say “no”. The special need that is preventing thousands of children from being adopted. That special need is being the victim of sexual abuse. Yes, that special need is actually being the victim of abuse!

Through no fault of their own these children have been sexually abused and are now being victimized again by the near universal fear of raising a child that has been sexually abused. Irony anyone?

I have been told by countless social worker that if the child has a record of sexual abuse in their file or a record of showing the symptoms of having been sexually abused, the chances of finding an adoptive family becomes infinitely harder. This breaks my heart.

Continue reading.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Pediatric Information Sheet for Pediatric Health Providers and Parents


Dear Families and Educators,

The national Quality Improvement Center for Adoption and Guardianship Support and Preservation (QIC-AG) has developed a fact sheet about adoption tailored for pediatric health care providers. This fact sheet is designed to raise awareness about the unique needs of children who have been adopted, and to provide concrete tips on how these professionals can effectively work with these children.

This fact sheet can also be used by adoptive parents as tools for engaging their child’s health care providers in understanding the unique needs of their child.

Download Ask About Adoption – Pediatric Information Fact Sheet (PDF)

For more information contact:
Selena Childs
Clinical Associate Professor
UNC-CH School of Social Work
sbchilds@email.unc.edu
919-843-8144

Education Adoption Information Sheet for Teachers and Parents

Dear Families and Educators,

The national Quality Improvement Center for Adoption and Guardianship Support and Preservation (QIC-AG) has developed a fact sheet about adoption tailored for  teachers. These fact sheets are designed to raise awareness about the unique needs of children who have been adopted, and to provide concrete tips on how these professionals can effectively work with these children.

The fact sheets can also be used by adoptive parents as tools for engaging their child’s teachers in understanding the unique needs of their child.

Download Ask About Adoption – Education Fact Sheet (PDF)

For more information contact:
Selena Childs
Clinical Associate Professor
UNC-CH School of Social Work
sbchilds@email.unc.edu
919-843-8144

Friday, August 18, 2017

Registration Is Open for the National Permanency Conference – Special Parent Rate!

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Please share this news with those parenting children with histories of abuse, neglect or trauma.  The National Permanency Conference has released a special Parent/Caregiver rate for the conference, allowing families to gain professional-level knowledge and insight from world renowned experts. To register or get more information about the conference, please visit this link.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Attention to All 2017 Summer Host Families for Ukraine – Big News!

Ukraine App Fee Waived 08-04-2017Dear Summer 2017 Host Families:
Hopscotch Adoptions will be waiving our $250 application fee for any summer 2017 host families!!  If you would like to complete your adoption through Hopscotch, please indicate you are a Summer 2017 host family on the application and we’ll waive the application fee!

Want learn more about adopting from Ukraine?

Monday, Aug 7, 2017    7:00 PM – 8:00 PM EDT
 
Please join our meeting from your computer, tablet or smartphone.
https://global.gotomeeting.com/join/634854341 
 
You can also dial in using your phone.
United States: +1 (224) 501-3412
Access Code: 634-854-341 

**Please be sure to keep your phones/computer speakers on “mute” during the call so that everyone can hear clearly.

We hope that you can join us!  If you are unable to attend the webinar and would like to contact me directly, or request an information packet, please reach out to me at (770) 309-4239 or ukraine@hopscotchadoptions.org.  

PS: Pease note Hopscotch conducts home study reports for families located in North Carolina and New York. If you reside in Georgia or Tennessee, we can refer you to our preferred agency partners!

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Two Adoptees’ Stories: Two Perspectives on Growing Up Adopted

Source: http://www.rainbowkids.com

By Katie and Jacob

Meet Katie

feat_smMy name is Katelyn, and my family and friends call me Katie. I am a junior in high school in North Carolina, where I am at the top of my class academically (with a 4.4 GPA). I am also a competitive gymnast and have committed to a full Division I scholarship at a wonderful university in my state. What people don’t know about me is that I was adopted – adopted from Novosibirsk, Russia.

I often wonder, “When people hear that, what do they think of?” Lately I am afraid that too many negative things, worries, and concerns run through people’s minds. I’ve learned that many people, including me, have heard many negative stories about adoption, and not enough success stories.

This is why I am here to share mine.

Continue reading.

Monday, July 31, 2017

9-Year-Old With Down Syndrome Belts Out Whitney Houston Song in Viral Video

Source: www.yahoo.com

By Maya Chung


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A 9-year-old boy with Down syndrome has gone viral after his heartwarming version of one of Whitney Houston’s hit songs was posted online.

Dane Miller, of Texas, belted out Houston’s “I Have Nothing” while riding in the car with his dad on Monday, but his mother, Danna Miller, said it’s something her son does often.

“He’s been musical since around 2 years old,” Miller told InsideEdition.com. “He’s been playing the drums. He sings. He loves music. He puts his whole heart into everything he does.”

See video.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Compassion in Action: A Beautiful Intervention On Behalf of a Child With Special Needs

Source: http://www.charlotteobserver.com

By Bruce Henderson

groner4She’s a shy Jewish woman from Charlotte. He’s a little boy, apparently African and Muslim, who was screaming aboard a transatlantic flight.
Their July 14 encounter between Brussels and New York made the eight-hour flight go easier for their fellow passengers. The virtually wordless connection – neither spoke the others’ language – also offered a lesson in compassion that has circulated widely online.

By her account, Rochel Groner, 33, is among the least likely people to make a public display. “I’m the type of person who would let somebody step on my foot for like a half- hour before I would say something,” she says.

But about an hour into the flight, a return home after Groner and her husband Bentzion chaperoned teens to Israel, Groner heard sounds of distress behind them. Not cries from a baby. Not a bored teen.

“It was just kind of a shrieking without any words,” Groner says. “I recognized it right away as a child with special needs.”

Read more here.

Notice: The Form N-565 – Request a Replacement Naturalization or Citizenship Certificate Has Been Updated

uscis-signatureInterested in obtaining a Replacement for your Naturalization or Citizenship Certificate? USCIS has recently updated the form to be used: The new edition dated 06/13/17. Starting 09/22/2017, we will only accept the 06/13/17 edition. Until then, you can use the 12/23/16 edition.

Learn more.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Join Us This Thursday: All About The Birth Family Search

Birth Family Search | Adoption Learning Partners

Register Now

Open records, DNA testing, family tree websites, social media, Google, orphanage searches by other families, even a birth relative doing a reverse search to find information on your child; all can lead quite quickly to an unscheduled, and unprepared for, reunion.

The question is no longer IF your child will one day (sooner rather than later) be able to locate a birth relative, but when. For most domestic adoptees, it is now just a matter of time. For international adoptees, the search is becoming easier and easier.

Join Martha Osborne, adoptee, adoptive mother, and founder of RainbowKids.com, as she shares the realities of birth family search today and provides tips and tools to make informed choices, including:
  1. Talking to your pre-teen and teen about searching
  2. Gauging if your child is emotionally ready to conduct a search
  3. How to handle a birth relative reaching out directly through social media or email
  4. Identifying safety risks and how to avoid them
  5. The tools available today both for search and for obtaining a medical profile on an adoptee without allowing DNA information to be released
Click here to learn more and register >

Sunday, July 16, 2017

A Guide to Selecting An Adoption Or Foster Therapist

Source: https://creatingafamily.org/

Guest post by Carol Lozier, Forever-Families

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Image credit: adesigna


Families experience great joy as they welcome newly adopted or foster children into their lives. When a child comes home, parents might start counseling right away or the need may not arise until a later time, such as adolescence. Identifying the right therapist can be a challenging task, especially if a parent is not familiar with the counseling field. This article gives parents direction on choosing the right adoption counselor for their child. There are many factors to consider, from insurance and office location, to the therapist’s degree and training. Any reputable therapist will be happy to answer questions about themselves and their practice. Some questions to ask the prospective therapist include:

Do you have a masters’ degree (or greater) in a counseling related field? Counseling related fields include: psychology, social work, psychiatry, and marriage and family therapy.

Do you have a license to practice independently? Each state and degree have different requirements, but a license indicates the therapist passed state boards showing competency in their degree.

When did you finish your counseling degree? It is preferable for the therapist to have completed their degree more than five years ago. Of course, more experience is desirable.

Do you take my insurance? If the therapist is in-network with your insurance, call the company to request benefit information and an authorization (if needed). If the therapist is out-of- network, call the company to determine your benefits. You will want to ask about your deductible, co-pays, co-insurance, and requirement for authorization.

How many years have you worked with foster and adopted children? An effective counselor will have at least two to three years expertise in the area of foster care or adoptions. And ideally, 30% to 50% of the therapist’s practice should be with foster or adopted children.

What is the location of your practice? Ask about location as it can make a difference in your choice.

As the parent, will I stay in the room during my child’s sessions? Typically, an adoption therapist keeps parents in the therapy session with the child. The parent remains in the room for information and attachment opportunities.

How were you trained to work in this area? There are many acceptable treatment models, including: Theraplay, Narrative therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and Dyadic Developmental therapy. Research whichever model the therapist uses so that you are familiar with the process and know what to expect in sessions.

What additional training do you have that augments your chosen model? It is suggested that therapists have additional training in: individual therapy with children and adults, family therapy, child development, trauma work, and cognitive and behavior therapy.

Will we meet alone with you in the first session or do we bring our child? A general rule of thumb is parents attend the first session alone unless the child is an adolescent, then the child may accompany the parents.

These last questions are for the family to ask themselves after the first visit or two: Do we feel this therapist is a positive and comfortable fit for our family? Is the counselor open to our questions about the therapy process? You want to be able to answer “Yes” to both of these questions, as the therapeutic relationship is interactive and built on trust and respect.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Building the Bonds of Attachment with Adopted Children

Source: https://creatingafamily.org

By Dawn Davenport


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Attachment is vital to emotional development. What can adoptive parents do to build the bonds of attachment with their adopted children? Join guest Dr. Dan Hughes, a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of children with attachment issues. He is the author of five books including Building the Bonds of Attachment and Attachment-Focused Parenting.

Highlights of the show
  • How much of an issue is attachment in different types of adoption (domestic, international, older child, etc.)?
  • How does the inter-uterine environment affect a child?
  • How does fetal alcohol syndrome affect attachment?
  • Tips on building attachment with young children
  • How can parents transition an adopted child to a daycare program without ruining attachment bonds?
  • How can parents help their children work through attachment issues?
  • How important is it for parents to make sure they are taking care of themselves?
  • What can parents do when they feel like they do not love their adopted child as much as their biological child?
  • How long is normal before parents feel attached to their children?
  • Why do some children have an easy attachment process and other children have a difficult attachment process?
  • Attachment issues in biological children.
  • Unevenness in attachment
  • Can attachment issues appear later in life?
  • How can parents find a good attachment councilor for their children?
  • Attachment issues with trans-racial adoptions

Click here to listen to the podcast.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Setting Limits with Adopted Teens-If the Answer is No, Say No

Source: https://creatingafamily.org/

By Dawn Davenport

Setting-Limits

I’ve noticed a trend in the last several year–parents afraid to discipline their adopted kids or unable to say “no” for fear of damaging their attachment or ego. At times I wonder if we’ve created a monster by all our emphasis on attachment, but I firmly believe that adopted children, actually all children, desperately need us to say no and set limits. Doing so is not in contradiction to creating attachment–in fact, setting limits supports attachment!

I recently read a book that I absolutely loved: Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years by Katie Naftzger, an adoption therapist and adult adoptee. This book would be the perfect read for all adoptive parents with kids 8+.

I interviewed Ms.  Naftzger on a Creating a Family Radio show titled Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years. She was preaching to the choir with me. So much so that I invited her to do this guest blog post.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I just want her to be happy. 

If I could make life easier for him, why wouldn’t I do that? 

I don’t want him to feel abandoned. How could I say no? 

She’s already been through so much! 

Do any of these statements sound familiar? For adoptive parents of teens, setting limits is often complicated. Your teen has already been through a lot. At one point in time, their basic needs were probably compromised. Of course, a part of you would want to give them everything they needed and more, but there’s a cost.

Setting limits helps your teen to feel more prepared for young adulthood. It teaches responsibility and helps develop much-needed coping skills. It also helps them to trust you more. They want to know that you’ll do what’s right, even if it means standing up to them.

Here’s a work example:

I was sitting with an adoptive mom and 12 y/o daughter, finishing up our family therapy session. The daughter asked, “Mom, can we go and get a cupcake across the street?”

The mom grimaced. “Oh, sweetie, I don’t know. I don’t want you to be late for gymnastics. There might be a lot of traffic. Plus, you already had ice cream when we got home from school…” Her mom looked around the room and she trailed off.

Her daughter’s voice became shriller. “Mom, we’ll have of time to get there, I promise. I’m not going to be late! Seriously! And, I just had one popsicle after school. Those things are so small! I don’t think that should even count. Come on, Mom, please? Please!”

I said to the mom, quietly, “If the answer is no, just say no.”

At that point, her mom made direct eye contact with her daughter and said, “The answer is no.”

How did the daughter react? She let it go, immediately. And, she was fine. Surprising, isn’t it, given that her daughter was so bent on it just a second ago!

Tips for Setting Limits with Adopted Teens

 

1. Don’t backtrack or apologize.

 

Imagine if the mom had said “Oh sweetie, the answer is no…but maybe we can get a cupcake next time we’re here! I’m sorry, sweetie!” 

 

2. Don’t negotiate.

 

It can be painful for adoptees to feel like they’re begging for something, particularly if they’re struggling with feelings of low self-worth and feelings of abandonment.

 

3. Don’t send mixed messages.

 

If the mom had said no but continued to look all around the room, it would have sent mixed messages. Her words would have said no but her body language would have said, I’m not sure.

 

4. Convey guidelines and consequences ahead of time.

 

This mom knew her daughter pretty well. She could probably have predicted that her daughter would ask her for a cupcake. The simplest way to go would be to make an overarching decision – always or never.

 

5. Improve your savvy.

 

It can be challenging for adoptive parents when their teen gets into stuff that is outside of their experience, such as drugs, alcohol, aggressive behavior, etc. It’s good to learn to think like your teen. When your teen perceives you as naive or oblivious, they tend to lose respect for you. Trust your intuition. If you think something’s going on, it’s usually true. Your aim isn’t to control them. It’s to help them to make informed decisions.


When parenting teens it is important to remember that they don’t have to agree with you. There are certain decisions that are collaborative and others that are solely yours. And, if you’re not sure where to begin, start with the cupcake.

Education SALE from Heart of the Matter



Take $35 off

Your Next Purchase of International or Domestic adoption education. (Purchase total must be $184 or greater.)

Go to www.heartofthemattereducation.com to use coupon code  SSHOME17 for a $35 savings on a purchase of $184 or more.

OFFER DETAILS:

Choose any course or combination of courses that total $184 or more and use the coupon code  SSHOME17 at checkout for the $35 savings.. Offer valid through July 31, 2017.

Friday, July 7, 2017

The Most Awesome Proposal Ever!

New Rules For Adoptions From China Announced

feat_smUPDATE #1:  We are receiving numerous questions about "What exactly has changed?"  To clarify, at this early-stage of review, it appears that the following changes have taken place:
  • Youngest child in the home must be 3-years-old before a family may log-in their dossier
  • Single females may still adopt, but may have only 2 children living at home. Youngest child must be 3 years of age (formerly it was 6 years). Singles may  now be up to 50 years older than child (formerly 45)
  • Married couples may have up to 5 children in the home
  • Families must wait one full year after an adoption is complete before applying to adopt another child
  • Only one child may be adopted at a time  (unless a twin or sibling)
Continue reading.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Advocating for the Child’s Human Right to Family

Source: http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/

By: Elizabeth Bartholet

Important legislation has recently been introduced in Congress designed to transform the understanding of the rights of unparented children and relatedly of international adoption. This legislation amends the law governing the U.S. Department of State’s (DOS) annual reports on human rights violations. It requires that DOS consider for inclusion in future reports the violation of unparented children’s rights involved in shutting down international adoption and thus condemning children to ongoing institutionalization. For more information about this legislation, see http://cap.law.harvard.edu/current-legislation/.

All those who believe in children’s rights to family, all those who decry the restrictions on international adoption that have denied many tens of thousands of children the nurturing parents they need, should devote their best efforts to supporting this proposed legislation. It represents an extraordinary opportunity to transform the understanding of child rights in ways that are essential to transforming policy – policy that has been enormously destructive of child rights and interests.

Continue reading.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Deportation a ‘Death Sentence’ to Adoptees After a Lifetime in the U.S. by Choe Sang-Hun

Source: https://www.nytimes.com

By Choe Sang-Hun

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Remember to protect your children’s rights to citizenship if your child was adopted prior to 2000.  The consequences are devastating if you have not obtained your child’s US citizenship.
 
SEOUL, South Korea — Phillip Clay was adopted at 8 into an American family in Philadelphia.
Twenty-nine years later, in 2012, after numerous arrests and a struggle with drug addiction, he was deported back to his birth country, South Korea. He could not speak the local language, did not know a single person and did not receive appropriate care for mental health problems, which included bipolar disorder and alcohol and substance abuse.

On May 21, Mr. Clay ended his life, jumping from the 14th floor of an apartment building north of Seoul. He was 42.

To advocates of the rights of international adoptees, the suicide was a wrenching reminder of a problem the United States urgently needed to address: adoptees from abroad who never obtained American citizenship. The Adoptee Rights Campaign, an advocacy group, estimates that 35,000 adult adoptees in the United States may lack citizenship, which was not granted automatically in the adoption process before 2000.

Mr. Clay is believed to be just one of dozens of people, legally adopted as children into American families, who either have been deported to the birth countries they left decades ago or face deportation after being convicted of crimes as adults. Some did not even know they were not American citizens until they were ordered to leave.

Continue reading.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

We Need Your Help With Research On Transracial Adoption & Bullying: Take The Survey Today!

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Hello Families!

We encourage you to take advantage of the below opportunity to participate in this Northeastern State University research study regarding transracial adoption and bullying.  Consider sharing it with your social networks. As we all know, research on adoption is beneficial to understanding and serving children and families better.

Thanks!

“Dear Parents and Students,

I am conducting a research study to better understand the scope and effects of bullying on children (ages ranging from 9 to 16 years old) adopted into transracial families.  As a social work faculty member at Northeastern State University, I am interested in understanding this topic so that we can develop effective supports and interventions for children/adoptees who experience school bullying based on racial or ethnic differences.  I am requesting your participation because it will help us to do this.

Your participation is voluntary and your responses are anonymous.  If you will take about 30-40 minutes to complete our online survey, you will make an important contribution to this project that may lead to creating effective help for trans-racial adoptees who are facing school bullying.

Click here for the survey link.

If you wish to discuss the information above or concern you may have with this project, please do not hesitate to contact me, Eun-Jun Bang, Ph.D., MSW, at (918) 449-6564.  For questions about your rights while participating in this study, you may contact the Institutional Review Board at Northeastern State University at (918) 456-5511 ext 2965. Thank you so much for your attention and time.”

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Join Us!!!!! Hopscotch Adoptions Family Reunion 2017

It’s time for… Hopscotch’s 2017 Family Reunion!



Hi, Everyone,

The 2017 Hopscotch Reunion is less than seven weeks away.  Now’s the time to register.  Your registration form is attached and due, along with the per person reunion fee, on June 25, 2017.

The fee will cover a pizza party and dessert on Friday night, a catered al fresco breakfast at the park on Saturday morning, the rental of a canopy tent/tables and chairs to keep us shaded and comfortable at the reunion hub, as well as arts/crafts/activities for the children.  Depending on the number of attendees and final costs, the fee may stretch to cover a Sunday morning breakfast as well.

Hopscotch has generously sponsored a catered dinner at the park for Saturday evening.

Additional activities, such as a visit to the water playground at the park, boat/bike rentals, and a trip to the Cincinnati Zoo or other local attractions will be paid by individual families as they go.  If there’s interest to form a group for a Sunday outing, please let me know and I will gladly assist with the planning.

If you are flying to Cincinnati to attend the reunion, your closest airport is CVG.  You can also fly into DAY, SDF or IND.

Please don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions,
Viviane

Viviane Martini, Family Coordinator and Advocate
Hopscotch Adoptions, Inc
Armenia, Bulgaria, Georgia, Ghana, Guyana, Morocco, Serbia and Ukraine
Pre & Post-Adoption Services available to NY and NC residents
Ph: 336.899.0068

This year’s reunion will be hosted at Winton Woods, Cincinnati, Ohio!

A blog about camping at Winton Woods

2017 Family Reunion Registration Form – Register Now (Word Doc)

Sunday, June 11, 2017

3 Reasons Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work with Kids from Trauma by Mike Berry

Source: http://www.rainbowkids.com

The following article was graciously shared, with permission, by Mike Berry from the blog Confessions of an Adoptive Parent

feat_smIf you’ve parented a child from a traumatic past for any length of time, you already know that traditional parenting techniques do not work. But, have you ever stopped to consider why, or what you could do differently?

Kristin and I both grew up in traditional households, with parents who used traditional techniques in raising us both. There were rules and restrictions, guidelines and boundaries. And if said rules, restrictions, guidelines and boundaries were crossed, BAM, consequences were enforced. No questions asked. From all accounts, these techniques worked. We both grew up to be responsible adults who knew the difference between right and wrong. But, we also never endured significant trauma as children.

Continue reading.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Post Adoption Depression: Causes and Prevention


$20.00 ********FREE TO HOPSCOTCH PLACING CLIENTS!!!!!
Post adoption depression and parent attachment disorder are surprisingly common and seldom talked about. After all, since you’ve tried so hard to become a parent, many adoptive parents are ashamed to admit that they are struggling.

REGISTER NOW

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Books on Toddler and Older Child Adoption for Adoptive Parents

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Source: https://creatingafamily.org


Toddler Adoption
Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best. Great information. The author was interviewed on the Creating a Family radio show.


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Adopting Older Children: A Practical Guide to Adopting and Parenting Children Over Age Four by Stephanie Bosco-Ruggiero, MA; Gloria Russo Wassell, MS, LMHC; and Victor Groza, PhD. – This is a wonderful resource full of practical and hopeful tips for parents who have adopted a child over age four from foster care or through international adoption. The adoption therapist authors do not gloss over potential problems, but they don’t exaggerate them either. Listen to our interview with them on the Creating a Family Radio Show- Parenting Older Adopted Kids: A Practical Guide.


Siblings in Adoption and Foster Care
Siblings in Adoption and Foster Care: Traumatic Separations and Honored Connections by Deborah N. Silverstein and Susan Livingston Smith – This book is a comprehensive resource on issues facing siblings during foster care or adoption – both biological and adopted.


Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child
Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child by Trish Maskew


Adopting the Older Child
Adopting the Older Child by Claudia L. Jewett- Written in 1979 but still relevant.


Adopting a Toddler: What Size Shoe Does She Wear?
Adopting a Toddler: What Size Shoes Does She Wear? by Denise Harris Hoppenhauer – Offers great insight and practical advice for those preparing to adopt a toddler.


Nurturing Adoptions
Nurturing Adoptions – Creating Resilience after Neglect and Trauma by Deborah Gray – Anything by Deborah Gray is great. On our show she said this book was primarily written for adoption professionals, but I think adoptive parents will find a lot of useful information as well.


The Connected Child
The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family by Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine


Parenting Your Adopted Older Child
Parenting Your Adopted Older Child By Brenda McCreight – Good overview!


Another Place at the Table
Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison – I loved this book. It is the true life tale of one foster family and is very well written. I couldn’t put it down.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

5 Tips for Parenting Harder to Parent Adopted Kids

Source: https://creatingafamily.org
By Dawn Davenport

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Sometimes parenting feels like we are soaring. Everything is clicking—we get the kids out the door in the morning without a major tantrum and we’re no more than 10 minutes late, we are eating semi-nutritious meals most days, and the little darlings are in bed with a minimum of fuss and teeth more or less brushed most nights.

Then there are times when it feels like we are slugging it out in the trenches. Often it is one particular child that puts us there. Perhaps this child was adopted at an older age after experiencing trauma, or maybe she has brain damage  caused by prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs, or maybe this child’s temperament is a really poor match for yours. Whatever the reason, some kids are simply more challenging to parent.

When you are in the trenches it’s hard to see a way out. It’s at those times that you need some “quick” tips and tricks to help you cope. Read over these tips every week until you start to climb your way out of the parenting depths.

Read more.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017


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The Georgian Association in the United States
Requests the Pleasure of Your Company at Its Annual Reception
On Monday, June 12, 2017, at 5:30 – 7:30
At
Baker McKenzie
815 Connecticut Avenue, 20006
Washington, DC
Please RSVP to  georgianassociation@gmail.com
Georgian wines will be provided by Georgian Wine House